The thing I do is a three-part thing
- I am service-oriented
- I don’t mind making you uncomfortable
- I will help steer you for your benefit
Going to the counselor, massage therapist, personal trainer, and hair artist is a way of receiving the help it is easy to give. If how I was being was working for me, there would be no need to reach out. There is no judgement for me because there is no judgement from me.
The counselor is a Bowenian family therapist, which makes sense because me and my distorted thinking go way back to the beginning. We did the Family-of-Origin (FOO) meeting this week. FOO meetings had become rote for me because the FOO story is long, complicated, and sad. It would be easier to type it up in preparation for handing it over to a reader, but the story would become fixed in my mind and the value of telling the story is lost.The counselor told me the value wasn’t in having the information, but rather in telling the story for an opportunity to see the story in a different frame. It is nice to be made uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is where growth lives.
In the course of the discussion, I said “I have to be enough.” Never being enough has been a theme. We agreed adopting the belief is key to finding my way out of the debris field from the FOO monster. Beliefs are tricky. Like vampires, they have to be invited in. Beliefs are a conscious, voluntary choice. She can’t convince me and I can’t convince myself. If there were qualifications to be earned or marks to be hit, being enough is negotiable. Anything negotiable can be lost. I have to be enough. This person I am today is enough.