Birthday month is for reflection. Happy October!
This year has been intense. Work. Family. Work. Family. More work. Not enough lifting. Not enough yoga. Too much what colleagues call “mood-dependent behavior.” Much of the year was spent searching for ways to arrange the deck chairs of my personal Titanic, e.g. changing planner sizes, having one planner for work and one planner for home, Sunday’s off, Wednesday’s off, weekends for lifting and asana, walking out of the office at 4:30, designated “late work nights”, working on the weekend, lifting in the morning, lifting later in the evening, counting macros, intuitive eating, binge eating, back to counting macros, talking to my coach, not talking to my coach.
I changed planners again, signed up for yoga teacher training and DBT intensive training, which is like praying for wisdom. I have asked, and paid cash, for the Universe to hand me my ass. Kinda looking forward to it. My yoga teacher looked me in the eye and said “This will break you down.” So will a year spent with experienced, committed therapists who have committed to radical acceptance.
On a practical level, the planner change is turning out to be a good one. For years, a weekly layout has let me time-block, track due dates, and plan for events. Now my schedule is appointment-driven on odd intervals, tracked in two electronic calendars, and my need is more for notes and journaling. Being able to brain-dump on the day and make tomorrow’s lists and priorities in the planner instead of my army of sticky notes has let me sleep at night. Sleep is the start of good life. But is it necessary?