Week 4 : Day 5 : The Other Side

We often about boundaries from a defensive stance and neglect to discuss how we cross boundaries ourselves.

Take a minute and take the quiz.

We all have things to do. In his book about boundaries, Dr. Cloud talks makes the metaphor of rocks we carry. Those rocks to carry, those things to do, are our responsibility. They are in our backpacks.

If I take your rocks from you and try to carry your load with mine, I am not doing you any favors. You miss out on the growth that comes from picking up and carrying your own rock. I frequently end up resentful and in your business because I know this is your rock and I forget I volunteered to pick it up. Whose problem is it?

People with a poor sense of their own boundaries usually have trouble sensing others’.  They are “just helping” or “feeling sorry for” someone. Perhaps they feel uncomfortable when someone they care for is feeling the consequences of a choice. Perhaps they are trying to leverage the relationship with service.

“Oh, I know. But….”

Nope. There is not a legitimate “I know, but”. Is it your business? No? Then butt out.

We have all done it. Think about when you crossed that line.

What were you trying to accomplish?

What actually happened?

What was the effect on the relationship?

How about oversharing and gossip? When we open ourselves up inappropriately or even worse a third party, we are violating the listener’s boundaries.


We all do it. Sometimes unintentionally, sometimes as habit. It is still a boundary violation and you might want to look at how it works for you.

Think about the last time you were talking with someone and realized you shared more than what was appropriate.

How did the listener react?

What were you trying to accomplish?

What was the effect on you and the relationship?

Think about the last time you shared gossip.

How did the listener react?

What were you trying to accomplish?

What was the effect on you and the relationship?

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